Since Tuesday I have waited... waited till friday to see him. I had to pick some stuff from his place, but i didnt want to go unless he was there. I didnt want to ask his roommates to let me in so i can get the stuff. Why wait for him? Because I haven't seen him in over a month... and he lives like... a ten minute walk away from me. How sad is that... someone who's suppose to be my best friend... wont spare any time in his busy to see me within a month's span... despite my efforts to arrange something numerous times. I know he's busy... and stressed... but seriously how difficult is it to spare an hour to my your best friend happy? Spend a break time with me?... anything for gosh sakes... I told him that its been making me feel like he doesnt care about me anymore... that it seems like he doesnt want to hang out with me... doesnt want to see me... that im not important to him anymore... And he assures me thats not the case... and that hes just super busy... and hes been neglecting everybody... Okay... I forgive him for weeks of neglect and pain...But here I have a simple errand of picking some stuff up from his place... shouldn't take long... ten minutes of his time at home?... but still... he cant do that... wednesday he has a final and a workshop... thursday he is going home to watch a movie with family and other stuff... friday... he told me he should be at the apt... sooo i waited till friday... just so that i can see him...
Well today is friday... and i texted him when can i come swing by... but he tells me hes in sf getting a new phone... awesome... he needs a new phone... many times his excuse for not texting me back at all is because he never received my texts... but seriously.... last night i was walking the empty streets think... "oh man im sooo excited for tomorrow. I get to see Ban Than for the first time in over a month! i miss him so much."... but like i said... hes in sf
and he tell me... i dont have to wait up for him... that i should just go pick it up anyway... FUCK i dont care about the stupid stuff im picking up!... what i care about is seeing you... I JUST WANT TO FUCKING SEE YOU!... sigh
way to disappoint me... and yet i feel like the stupid one... i saw friday as an appointment... he probably didnt see it as anything... and so he made plans over this appointment... and it reawakens my insecurities about him not wanting to see me... i mean... he hasnt seen me in a month either... doesn't he want to see me?... doesn't he miss me too?... I guess not... if he did miss me, I'd think he would make a better effort to see me... or even show SOME effort to see me... and not be so douchy, flaky on me... and here i am... wanting to cry... over something so small...
maybe im overreacting... but when you beg your best friend to just see each other for ten minutes out of a month... when you live so close to each other... the frustration i feel is extremely painful...
it makes me think... if he really cared... he would at least told me that he had to go to home home so he can get a new phone beforehand... or something... iono... iono why it hurts sooo much... why cant i just understand that hes not home... that its not a big deal... sigh...
or... if he really cared for me... he would... he would.. he would just care
blah...
(hurt point 1)
