Settling

Sorry, this isn't a note about Settlers of Catan, although that is a wonderful game. 

This is about my inability to settle myself.

I rearranged my room definitely over seven times last year. I know I rearranged it twice last semester and again at the beginning of summer. And those are major rearrangement, with furniture shifting about and everything. Besides those major changes, I do a lot of small changes from time to time. I'll move things on shelves around and reorganize them even though I haven't touch them since the last time I reorganized them. I'll put things up on my walls, decorate this and that, place one thing in relation to another. Then in a few months, I'll take those things down off the walls, move decorations around, throw shit out, etc. My room is like one big art installation, constantly being replaced with a new exhibit. I guess its my way to reflect the changes of time and changes in my mind, how I feel at that current point in time. Its also my curiousity of "How can I make this more efficient?" which I apply to more aspects of my life other than my furniture arrangement.

I also cannot settle with my hair. One day it would be shaved. In a few weeks I have a mowawk. Then shaved again. Then flat top. Then shaved again. Then fauxhawk. Then shaved again. And I'm always experimenting with my hair... seeing if this is new... if that works... and whatnot. Over these past few years, I've had some crazy hair experiments, some of which I'm pretty embarrassed about now. But I'm not to afraid initially of embarrassing myself. Humility is something I embrace rather. But I'm always in search of some change for myself. I cannot settle for a haircut that works and get it over and over again. Maybe its because my hair always manages to grow out into a poofy Asian fro, which I don't like very much.

I just can't get myself to get comfortable. Everything becomes stale to me eventually. After that enormous life altering super humongous change of moving away from Ohio to California, it seems like I just keep on searching for changes, addicted to changes, scared of securely establishing myself... because I was so established in Cleveland... and everything I knew and was comfortable with was ripped away from me in one horrific swoop.